can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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