we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
