Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just had sex bonerless
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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