And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
