You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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