I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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