i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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