Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
