my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
