a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
