Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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