Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There's a naked man in my car right now.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
