I swear she didn't look like that last week.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize