My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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