Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.