I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"