I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.