Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.