You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it