Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.