dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"