i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
3pm strippers are depressing
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Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.