I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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