we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
