So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you win again, gameday.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
