I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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