u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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