Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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