Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
