i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
