my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
