not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Text me some of your sweat
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
