You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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