Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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