think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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