I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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