I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
