So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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