yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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