i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
