I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
organizing the empties. That sober.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
