His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
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He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
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Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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