Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
