I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
