how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
