He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
