Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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