whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
