Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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