did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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