Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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