Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Your penis caused this!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
