I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
