ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
