I would go down on you faster than GM stock
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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