he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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