she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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