she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
