No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
