Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
