do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
either way he was missing a nipple.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
