so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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