Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I know her cup size but not her name....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
