my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
the raccoons are back...
Randomize