Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Randomize
