So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
