I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
