I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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