Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
